Because I'm Happy!

Who doesn't love the minions?

This is one of my favorite songs.  There's no way you can listen to it and not smile, tap your foot or just get up and dance!

All my life, everyone has thought that I was always so happy.  But, in reality it was a mask.  A big fake smile always plastered on my face.  I just felt like I never fit in anywhere.

In school, I had a few friends, I did have my bff and we did everything together.  We even went to the prom together because neither one of us got asked  by one of the boys.  Why, I'm not sure.  We just didn't fit in with any of the in crowds, wait, we didn't fit in with ANY of the crowds.  We came from a tiny elementary school that went to the 8th grade.  There were a handful of us and we had to decide whether to go to Claremore High School or Inola High School.  I lived about 5 miles from Claremore, and 15 miles from Inola.  The entire 8th grade graduating class were all going to Inola High School.  So I followed them.  Most of them already had friends at Inola school, except my bff and I.

At church, I didn't fit in at all.  Do you have any idea what it's like to be the ONLY kid in your age group?  Everyone was either 3 years younger or 3 years older than me.  I didn't have a Sunday School classroom.  I had to either go into the younger class or the older class.  When you're 12 or 13 years old, you don't have much in common with 9 year olds (even though my sister was in that class) and the 16 year olds don't want anything to do with you.  Even after I turned 18, the church didn't have any classes or groups for young people.  So I had to go into the class with my parents.  Talk about not fitting in, I was in a room with old people, like 40!  lol, now that seems funny as I'm typing it.

When I was 16, I found music.  I loved playing the guitar and singing.  But, my passion was bluegrass music.  Once again...kinda feeling like the outsider.  But I think I was truly the happiest I'd ever been.

Then came dating, marriage, kids...yes I was happy about it all, but I really wasn't happy about me.  I don't think I liked myself much during those years.

I was really happy when I found myself without a job and my family supported me in opening my own yarn shop.  Knitting and designing had become a huge passion in my life.  I really enjoyed every minute of knitting a pair of socks, or a sweater.  Yes, even when I'd mess something up and have to take out upteen gillion rows.  But I still wasn't happy with me.

I can say that my weight problem exploded after several surgeries, hormones, metabolism, yada yada, but I think the real root of the problem was I wasn't happy with me.  Not being happy with myself, even after losing some weight, it was easy to gain it back because eating was comforting.  I'm not an overeater, I'm a stupid eater.  I would always have healthier choices for snacking available, but I wouldn't want the healthy stuff.  I would rather eat a row of Oreos, or a bowl of chips and salsa.  Eating out with my friends made me feel happy.  But it wasn't true happiness.

It has only been in the last 9 months or so that I've started being happy with myself.  I really like myself.  I like hanging out with myself, working out with myself.  I don't have to fit in with the "in crowd" or have lots of friends to keep me occupied to be happy.

I just had to look in the mirror and see ME, not who I thought everyone wanted me to be.  That mask I'd been wearing for so many years had finally fallen away and there I was.  Just me, nothing fancy, curly hair, no make up ME!

So, look in the mirror and find yourself.  You might have to look for a long time, but you'll be able to see the happy you shining through.

Clap along if you're happy!