I decided once again to give it a try and I think I finally have something to say.
I truly think the reason I've been awol is because I felt embarrassed. Yes, I think that's it. During the summer and fall of last year, I was so gung-ho on my jogging. I was excited and I had finally found something that I enjoyed doing and it was good for me. Then I signed up for the 5K race. If you remember, I was scared to do it, scared to sign up, scared that I would look like I didn't know what I was doing, scared that I would be last, scared that I wouldn't finish, scared that I would fall, you name it I was scared of it. After the race, I let you know that it was the worst experience and I would never do it again. I wanted to go back to the beginning, continue jogging in my neighborhood, no pressure, no people, just me and the morning breeze.
I haven't jogged much since that day of the 5K. I would head out for my 3 mile jog, but something would trigger an anxious feeling at about the 2 mile mark and I'd go back home. Telling myself that it was okay and I'd do 3 miles tomorrow. Then the weather started getting colder and that was a good excuse not to go out at all. Instead I would jog around my living room or walk with Leslie on DVD.
The reason I'm embarrassed is because I was telling you what to do, and how to do it. Like I was a know-it-all. To be honest inspiring you was motivating me I really wanted to prove to all of you and myself that I was good at this, and then I just quit. Yes, I'm a quitter, always have been. That's why I weighed 216 pounds at my highest point. I have never ever told anyone that. For some reason 207 lbs seemed so much better. I remember stepping on the scale that morning and seeing that number. I literally gagged and thought I was going to vomit. You've got to also understand that I'm only 5' tall and while I'm being honest, I might not even be that tall anymore. 4'11 1/2" might actually be closer. For the last 20 years I have been a professional dieter. Diet, lose, quit, gain, repeat. I was dieting myself to death. But I had to do something, I was 100 lbs overweight. I can remember getting with 13 pounds of my goal weight years and years ago and then quitting. I blamed in on everything I could think of, but I truly believe I was afraid of succeeding. Afraid of maintaining a goal...That's a lot of pressure for a fat girl to handle. It was like a little movie playing in my head. All the congratulations, the big finish, all the WW reps high fiving me and then proving to everyone that I couldn't "really" do it, it must have been a fluke. Quit now before all the bells and whistles go off. I didn't want to be embarrassed. I didn't want to be the girl that couldn't do it. So I didn't do it. I quit!!
I don't want to be the quitter anymore. I think the reason I've been able to lose weight this time is because I don't feel like I'm on a diet. I'm really not doing anything different so there isn't anything to quit. Yes, I could quit taking my Skinny Fiber, but why in the world would I do that? I've never felt better. The one thing that I was never able to conquer the other times I'd lost weight was the health issues. Even getting so close to my goal weight with Weight Watchers, I still had acid reflux, I still had IBS, I still had high blood pressure. So many times I've heard if you just lose weigh you wouldn't have those problems. Well, I don't anymore. Yesterday, I went to the Dr. My blood pressure was 122/81. During my days with WWs, my blood pressure was hovering at 164/94 and that was on medicine. I truly believe that the ingredients in Skinny Fiber have not only helped me conquer my health issues, these ingredients have also helped me battle cravings for carbs and sweets. Like I said, I'm not going to quit this time, because it doesn't "feel" like I'm being deprived, I'm not forcing myself to do something that I really don't want to do. I want to be healthy. I want to feel good. I want to SUCCEED!!!
I hope you all stick with me. I love talking and telling stories, I could do it all day long. So if you want to join me on this journey, I'd love to have you. Leave me your comments, let me know that you're watching or reading. You are my motivation, you're what I need to succeed.
This is my latest picture update. Taken a few weeks ago. If you'd like to know more about this amazing product, just click the link. Skinny Fiber
